The Art of Time Travel

Here in K-Town I have discovered a phenomenal phenomenon, Time Travel.   Although I have only been here for approximately one month, during this time I have begun noticing a rift in the time warp continuum  that only appears to happen here in this magical land.  It is a complicated process that involves 1 Wormhole and a lil theory called the Double Wednesday also known as the Bacterian Camel hypothesis, which all together create the ability to travel through time.

Don't believe me, too bad.  This topic has been thuroughly vetted by myself and my roommate who actually has a PHD in Theoretical Particle Physics over a few glasses of "non" alcoholic beverages, because that would be illegal here if there was for some reason smuggled bottle of Jim Beam that made its way all the way from the Istanbul duty free shop, and lordy knows I have the utmost regard for the local police and their upstanding ways.  As I was saying, through these vigorous debates we have concluded that we actually time travel, not once but actually twice each week while living the dream here in K-Town.  

This is an Astrophysisisist.

How do we time travel exactly?  Does it involve a wacky phone booth and George Carlin? Not really, but that would be pretty fucking excellent and most triumphant! Does it involve any sort of hallucinogenics, in which I am not really time traveling but really stoned? Definitely not, this place has not quite figured out how to have a classy weed dispensary on every corner like say Denver or Los Angeles.  

I will tell yall what it does involve, quantum physics and a hefty amount of free time on our hands sitting around the casa to develop something soooooo complex.  I will start by explaining the Double Wednesday Theory. Here, the week begins on Saturday which is kinda like Monday, which in tern makes Sunday, Tuesday, and so on and so forth if you follow this logic.  Is that time travel?  Well not really, but stay with me friends.   As this wacky week unfolds, around Monday aka K-Town Wednesday things get a bit fishy.  In a normal week, Wednesday or Humpday is the mid week fiesta that says, "Hey, everything is gonna be ok, soon enough it will Thursday, which is kinda like baby friday, and then the TGIF comes right at ya and it nothin but margaritas, nachos, and a high school football team masquerading as the University of Colorado the next afternoon" Yet here in K-Town, Monday, our Wednesday actually happens twice.  Since everyone here works six days a week, you actually get a Double Wednesday (My Monday and Tuesday), or Double Humpday( get the Camel reference now...... wakka wakka).   Kinda like a two day long Groundhod Day each week, where you get all jazzed up for the day that signifies that the work week is half over, only to live it all over again the next day. Frown Face. 

If you are not convinced of this time travel logic, well here is more irrefutable evidence, discovered by my roomies and myself, via the Paj Shambey WormHole (That be what we call Thursday here, Paj Chambay).  Since you are already up on our logic on which of my days corresponds to which of your days, we can bypass splaining it all over again and get down to brass tacks, the Wormhole. 

Everyone familiar with TGIF?  Good, it will make it a whole lot easier. 

So K-Town we have ourselves TAIP or Thank Allah Its Paj Shambey, as Thursday really becomes the big night on the town.  Now with all the ex-patriots living here, not talking bout Teddy Bruschi yall, but the folks like me and others who get paid heaps of dough to come up with ideas of how to make Afghanistan a bit less Afghanistany(all with good intentions mind you, even if at times misguided, but we will get after that another time). For the most part these folks are from western nations and enjoy themselves  good ole hootanany each and every TGIF or TAIP in our case.  Being a nation where the all-mighty dollar gets you anything you need, with the right amount of loot and right connections there are plenty ways to get after a western style TAIP. 

This is Pretty Much What Paj Shambey Looks and Feels Like. 

Speakeasy rooms of really nice restaurants or just old fashioned partay's are the usually affairs for these expats to get their crunk on.  Here is where the time travel happens.  Each and every Paj Shambay ex-pats get their groove on and awaken with a touch of a hangover on Friday morning, which you think would be like our Saturday here.  Wrong,  instead of figuring out what is next on the docket of illegal hooch and somewhat legal debauchery, it has automatically become Sunday(really Friday here) morning with the beginning of the work week one long couch nap away.   The TAIP Wormhole warps you from Friday night all the way to Sunday morning with Saturday being a distant memory from days of yore in the motherland.  

No Sabado Gigante, no college football, no Blakey Mimosa Breakfasts.  No Saturday.  Just a lazy Sunday day with nothing open round town, people going to mosque, and a whole bunch of Sunday chores like washing spiderman underoos for the soon to ensue week.  Double Frown Face. 

So with all this new information at your disposal, just know that I plan to live vicariously though your own Saturdays and single Wednesdays during my time in K-Town. If you have time, maybe send me a wacky photo of yourself enjoying a Blakey Mimosa, that would be nice. 

Well here is some proof of my time traveling here. 

VayaConDoritos.
xoxoxo
me

Here is a Sk8board That Time Traveled to K-Town From a Much More Racist Past.

This Dude has Time Traveled from 1862 to Modern Day K-Town

Artsy Pic

Old School Mosque on a Hill by Worky Work

Afghan Premier League Championship! Front Row Seats for the Rumble in the Rubble! Mazar V Herat.

This Ball Time Traveled into the Back of the Net to get Mazar Back in the Mix.