VAYA CON DORITOS: MailBag!!!

Well, it has been over a week since my departure from los estados unidos, and my guess is that I should start being comfortable with my new digs and locale. The answer is yes and sure why not. Moving to a weird place, getting used to weird things, eating weird bits, and meeting real awesome poeple(I bet ya thought I was gonna say weird there, well too bad, the people here are pretty great so far, although I do have a few fashion tips for the hombres......) becomes a bit normal pretty much after the first time is my guess, I am only two weeks deep so far, but will keep you updated through the worldwideweb.

My new spot has dos lovely perros, which will not be eaten(frown face, bur probably for the best as I kinda enjoy their company, and they keep the badmen away), a tv full of movies which are then chalk full of Indian commercials repeated 2-3 times each commercial break, and one badass Targah. What is a Targah you ask? Well a Targah is our housdude, who pretty much keeps it real 24-7, and whose job is to also keep to badguys away while wearing a stylish purple jacket. Gotta have a gate opened, Targah got it. Gotta have some house stuff taken care of, Targah got it. What about having an fun conversation in half english and half dari, where nobody really gets the answer but all seem to enjoy the process nonetheless, Targah definitely got that. One thing Targah don't got is a beer less then $10 bucks out here. This is a Targah.

Most importantly I have been getting accustomed to almost everyone thinking that I am an Official Afghan, and not the rug, a person. From the folks at work, to my new good friend Generalisimo Aghbar, to almost everyone on the streets when I happen to cruise out for one of these bad boys(see below), I appear to have the traits of one of the locals, excluding a gnarly unibrow, which is good I guess. I get into some trouble as soon as I open my mouth and can't say a lick of Dari, but my long term goal is to play the part of a deaf-mute Afghan which should suffice for the next six months. I mean in a place where literacy is extremely low, the chances of running into the one Afghan who can sign Dari is pretty slim, so I think I'm gonna roll with it.

This is How Kabul Does Burgers

Now after being absent from the states for a few weeks, many people have asked me many questions about just about everywhich thing you can imagine. To date I have received thousands of requests in ole uncle mugsy's mailbag, wowza, of which I can only answer a select few. Here are a few of the gems in this weeks mailbag:

Dear Rory,

I know you like eating critters of all shapes and forms, so what sort of critters do they serve in Kabul? Do any of these critters make your tum tum go uh oh?

Regards,
Concerned in Constantinople

Thank for you letter Concerned, and for an answer yes, there are some fantastic critters to eat here. Mostly in the form of rice and bread. Yup, experimental eating at its finest. I would say 90% of the meals I have had, excluding the above goodness and some expat pizza, is a combination of rice with flavor bits, maybe a topping and then bread to eat it with. This will also be what I eat 90% of the remaining time here. My guess is that folks here are carb-loading for the big game next weekend, which always actually happens to be the weekend after that.

Dear Wory,

I heard you were planning to grow your hair weary weary wong while you are in Afghanistan.
Is that twue?

From,
Lil Timmy

Well Lil Timmy, I had hoped to become Afghan's first official top of the head hairlord, lordy knows they got the bottom half of the head covered quite well. And it always pleases Karen so much to see me wielding a mane, that I really wanted to. But due to my keen chameleon skills of looking like a local, I am gonna opt for the high and tight look, all while rocking a well chiseled chinstrap beard and Salwar Kameez. Razzle Dazzle! If you don't know what a Salwar Kameez is, just look at my man Targah and you get the jist. This should have me fitting right in and not calling too much attention to my infidel ways.

Fittin Right In

Rory,

How do you travel round the mighty city of Kabul? Are you still a moto madman or have you upgraded to full time car travel?

Cheers,
Cra Cra in Cambodia

Cra Cra, you so, well........Cra Cra. That is an excellent question, and one of the most popular queries in the mailbag this week. To be honest, we have two motos that I have to learn how to ride betterer, as they ain't no Bodian machines, but full on motos which have a clutch and all that jazz. But until that time, we usually roll the mean streets in our hired taxi's or our human people mover the Toyota Vanagan. Now this city isn't all that big, but the traffic here makes Los Angeles freeways look like Disneyland and Cambodian crazy streets like Lakeside. It can often take 1 hora plus to get to or from work, which really cuts into my bread and rice time. But it does give one time to check out how many fucking bullet holes have riddled this place over the last few decades. Thank goodness it is much safer now, but still makes one think about the shit folks have been through here.

Traffic Jammeroo, if You Look Real Hard with Your Eyeholes, There are Some Definite Bullet Hole Action in the Background.

That is just about it for this weeks mailbag, maybe there will be some more next week, or I will go with some other thoughtful ideas like, Whats under that burqua? or Blame it on the Taliban, Waka Waka! or Who know's. My guess is that in the next week or so I will see something interesting to ramble about, like the road accident which occurred this morning between a horse-buggy and a bicycle. Pretty funny, also pretty sure the horse dented it's front fender but all seemed ok, hence the funnyness.

Whelp until next time.